Sunday, October 18, 2015

The night before maternity leave ends

It's 10:08 p.m., Sunday, October 18.
I'm technically less than 2 hours away from the day I go back to work.
The day that 12 weeks ago seemed forever away.
The day that even 6 weeks ago seemed forever away.
Yet here it is.. basically knocking at my door.
You know.. it was hot outside the last time I went to work.
Now that cool breeze is a cold reminder..
 
I shouldn't complain really.
I was blessed with the opportunity to take a full 12 weeks.
I know a lot of mothers that have to go back after 6.
I was blessed.
 
But right now I'm stuck somewhere between sadness and excitement.
Sad because, well.. that's obvious.
Excited because it's a chance to "use my brain" again.
I love my job. It has an awesome schedule, my coworkers are great.
I make enough to help support our family and provide us with the needed medical benefits we have.
I'd be an idiot to quit.
 
 But I really feel like I should be crying more.
I've teared up a couple times over the past week.
Tonight I teared up more than once.
But I haven't full on sobbed.
Yet.
I think that'll happen tomorrow morning as I'm driving away from my parent's house.
But maybe I won't cry.
 
Maybe I won't cry because Charlotte is staying with my mom during the day.
It's a best case scenario for our situation.
It's not day care.
It could be worse.
And I've left Charlotte with my mom multiple times during my leave.
Of course it was for fun things like a pedi and lunch with my Grandma.
But I still left her for a few hours. That has to count for something.
 
It'll be ok. I'll be ok.
I'm not the first working mother in the history of the world.
I'll survive.
This is the next step in this great adventure and it'll make our time together even sweeter.
We just have to figure out the best way to make this all work.
 
Right now we're juggling packing, showing our place to rent, conversations with the builder as the house is getting close to being finished, both of us working, our baby sitter living 45 minutes away, time together, etc. It's overwhelming that's for sure.
But in less than a month, most of those stresses will go away.
We'll be in the new house. The condo will be rented.
We'll live 10 minutes from the baby sitter and I'm certain we'll have the swing of things.
Just say a prayer for us if I ever cross your mind during the day!
It'd be so much appreciated!
 
Side note: I've been working on Char's birth story. I hope I can post it soon.
Right now I work on posts while I pump.
It's not like I can do anything else.
Besides watch Netflix.
I've done a lot of that. Haha!
 
But now it's time for me to be off to bed.
Tomorrow's a new day. A new adventure.
Here goes nothing!
 
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Friday, October 16, 2015

So.. It's been awhile.

I'm not even sure how this thing works anymore. For the past 12 weeks I haven't really touched a computer. I've literally only used the computer to schedule bills. And even with that I figured out how to do it all just using my cellphone. Looking back, maternity leave really wasn't at all what I expected it to be.
 
Expectation: Finish seasons of my favorite shows on Netflix, blog every moment of Charlotte's life, lose the baby weight, have lunch with friends, take baby on "first" outings like to the park, beach, etc., have dinner on the table by 6, finally catch up on laundry, basically be a rock star stay-at-home mom - all while taking care of a newborn.
 
Reality: Not any of my "expectations" minus taking care of newborn.
 
Don't get me wrong. Maternity leave was the best. Especially after Char came home from the NICU. Of course it was filled with worry. Lots and lots of worry given her circumstances, but we managed and survived. We learned how to "treat her like a normal baby," as her neonatologist told us. And, praise God, she is acting like a completely normal baby. She has made leaps and bounds and exceeded all expectations given to her. God has healed her and I will forever sing His praises for His mercies. She is our miracle child.
 
When I first went out on maternity leave I thought, "Man, I have a blogging goldmine right now. I'm about to have my first child. Hello, baby posts! AND we're building a house. I could update house progress! So. Many. Posts." Well, that all went down the crapper when I fell off the face of the blogging earth. And looking back, I'm upset I did. Not for the followers, not for anything except for me. There's moments I know I don't remember as clearly like her birth story. This blog has always served as a memory book for me. A way for me to remember the little things in life. But now, Charlotte is almost three months old and I've been terrible about writing things down.  Like her first smile. I never wrote down the date. Because when it happened I thought, "how could I ever forget the day she first smiled. This is so monumental. I'll never forget." Ha. So much I've already forgotten unintentionally.
 
I say all this to say - I'll be posting regularly again. Probably more than normal because {1} I want to backtrack and post all the things I wrote on my Instagram while Charlotte was in the NICU to present day and {2} I want to remember the now. It'll probably take me awhile to catch up with present day. And there might be posts that are past happenings mixed with current events. I'm not really sure how it'll work, but for my memories sake I need to do this.
 
So here's to coming back to The Macarthurs Lately as a family of 3. It's been awhile and we've got a lot of catching up with do with all of what's been happening "lately."
 
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