Monday, July 25, 2016

The Day Before My Baby Turns 1

This time last year, I was in labor. And had been for about 12 hours at this point. 

I'd been to the hospital once before, only to be sent home. We were still at the condo about to leave the island because I didn't want to be stuck and have to give birth on the bridge. 
{legit greatest fear the entire pregnancy}

And now, here we are an entire year later.
 
I'm honestly dreading Facebook's memories for the next month. 
And if I'm being completely honest, I've been dreading this day for awhile now.

I'm not ready for my baby to be 1.
 
And I know that's normal. Most mama's have a hard time with their baby turning 1. 
Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. 
 
It's normal for my heart to sing and hurt in the same heartbeat. To look at her little face and think "stay this small forever, but grow up and show me what amazing things you'll do." Motherhood is bittersweet, ya'll.

I want her to stay small and be my baby forever. But I also want to see the amazing things God has planned for her. Because from the beginning we've known she was destined to do great things.

But I'm also loving each and every new day with her. This age is by far my favorite. She's funny and silly and curious and a serious climber. But she's also gentle and sweet and cautious.

The first year has been a serious ride. 

From 26 days in the NICU, to coming home for a couple weeks, to another hospital stay, to home again! 
 
To figuring out breastfeeding when you weren't planning on breastfeeding. 
To pumping and storing and supplementing for weight gain. 
 
To finally figuring out how to take a newborn out in public, to going back to work a few shorts weeks later. 
To figuring out commuting to Nana's house, to midnight feeding schedules, to pumping schedules at work. 
 
To all the first holidays and each and every milestone. 
To neurology appointments and therapy appointments, to CT scans and MRIs. 
To each and every answered prayer and each specialist not seen again! 
 
To first laughs and rolling over, to standing up, then taking steps. 
To each sleepless night, to finally sleeping through the night. 
To bottles and baby food, to sippy cups and big girl food. 
 
To my sweet little baby now being a one-year old.
 
She's grown so much and come so far.

Tonight, I'm going to rock her to sleep like we do every night. But tonight will have more tears and I know I'll hesitate to put her down. 
 
 
And then tomorrow morning at 1:44 a.m., I think I'll sneak back into her room, lean over and pick her up, snuggle her close and whisper "Happy Birthday, my Little Love."

4 comments:

  1. She's a doll!! Happy 1st birthday to your babe! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  2. Almost cried reading this...I remember all of this as it went down and I'm equally scared/excited for MY baby to turn 1 in about a month and a half! It's crazy how time flies. She is precious!! Happy Birthday to Char!

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  3. Ahh tears are flowing! I'm telling myself the same thing about being sad about our babies turning one. I'm just not ready but so happy at the same time!

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